Fear of abandonment is the fear that you will end up alone or be abandoned by your loved ones. It is a challenge that can affect your relationships with your friends, family and spouse. In this blog, we explain how you can overcome your fear of abandonment.
Fear of abandonment is more common than you think
Fear of abandonment may seem like something unusual for an adult human being to experience, but it is likely more of a common thing than you may think. Just as it is with most sensitive topics, when we are the ones experiencing them, there can be a sense of isolation or even alienation. This type of anxious feeling does not always go away, whether we are all alone or when we are among loved ones. Feeling as if you might be abandoned by someone you care about at any point in time is something that is not specific to age, culture, marital status, religion, gender, or sexuality. The root of the issue lies within the individual and is not determined by these things. Instead, it is important to take into account the fact that there is a very real reason why you are feeling the way you are feeling. Once you know the origin of where your fear of abandonment comes from, you can start working on the inner self healing needed to overcome this fear.
Accepting Your Emotions
Accept your emotions for what they are and seek to better them in the future, rather than holding any negative thoughts that might cross your mind against yourself. Understanding why you feel the way you do and accepting those feelings for what they are, can help aid you in identifying exactly why you feel them in the first place. What you are thinking about a situation can reveal so much once you come to the conclusion that these thoughts are only there due to the emotions you have yet to work through from the past. What happened to you in your past that has caused these emotions do not define define who you are. Seeing this fact for what it is will help you in working through limiting thought patterns and allow you to branch out past what you are initially thinking, which can provide so much in terms of being a more conscious thinker.
Identify Thought Patterns
To give an example of limiting thought patterns, think about the specific individual who you feel fear about abandoning you. Is it a specific person, or is it people in your life in general? By acknowledging that you might only fear one specific person abandoning you, such as a significant other or a parent, you can better pinpoint what about the relationship with this person is causing such a feeling within you. On the other hand, if it is not a specific person who you are afraid will abandon you and is actually most people in your life, then the root cause of the issue will likely be different.
Why do you experience a fear of abandonment?
Once you are able to identify your fear of abandonment, you may begin to see a pattern. This pattern will likely be very specific to your individual life, but it may be best to try and see if it stems from a fear of rejection due to experiencing similar rejections in the past. Try and think about what it is about being abandoned that you find most frightening. Is it the idea of having no one to go home to? Could it be the thoughts of the individual being with someone else? Is there more of a social dynamic to it, as in you don’t want to be seen as a loner or a person with no social circle? Each of these aspects of abandonment point at different reasons for the fear to exist at all. By identifying these thought patterns and acknowledging when your fear presents itself, you can better work through social situations by facing the issue head on with more trust in relationship.
Look to the Past
It’s not a good thing to dwell on the past, but there is a reason why we have one to begin with. We learn from what has once been. It is true that fear of abandonment often stems from what we experienced as a child or a teen and the thought patterns during those developmental years often do follow us into adulthood. However, this does not always mean that the fear of abandonment will translate to something clearly definable.
“It is true that fear of abandonment often stems from what we experienced as a child or a teen and the thought patterns during those developmental years often do follow us into adulthood.”
Sometimes it is good to take a glimpse at our past, in order to figure out what is there that might be altering the way we live our life as an adult, even if it is not so obvious. Think back to your childhood and try to recall exactly when you felt disappointment or negative emotions. Perhaps as an adult you have difficulty maintaining relationships, either due to you breaking things off or the other person. You might have experienced a significant relationship ending prematurely and as an adult, there is a repeating pattern of thought that is pulling it back into your present life.
Still struggling? Seek help!
All the tools above can help you to identify the reason for your fear of abandonment and ultimately help you to overcome it. If you struggle with getting to the root of the problem, we can recommend you to talk to a counselor. They are specialized at helping their clients to get to the root of an issue.